This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, fans certainly found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.